Other mama's don't be jealous!!!!!!!!!

True story.  Now, this is NOT going to win me mother of the year award, but let me say, I really am a good mom!  

My youngest daughter, Brenna (you know the one almost 20) posted this picture on my facebook today with the caption "Something YOU would do".

Now.. grab your Pepsi and sit back a minute and let me tell YOU how lucky you were not to be my youngest child. 

When Brenna was 2.5 (or 30 months old) HA! We were potty training her.  One night Brad (Hubby) suggests watching a movie since the kids were asleep.  I said, "Let me make Brenna potty before we do so she doesn't wet the bed."  I then proceed to go pick up my half asleep baby girl and set her on the potty. Meanwhile Brad is putting the movie in. (No, I don't remember the name of the movie) 

After the movie is over I have to pee.  I open the bathroom door and OMG.. there sits my sleeping 2.5 year old pants pulled down child.  Yes, I forgot my daughter on the toilet. AND.. before I got her off the toilet I took a picture of her asleep on the toilet.  Told you.. mom of the year!!! But with any good thing to sell (including this story..)  WAIT!!!  THERE'S MORE!!! 

Fast forward to her being 4 years old.  We go out to eat one night. Me, Ashton (oldest), Brenna and my MIL.  We meet at Bob Evans.  Brenna wanted to go to Grandmaws house then she didn't , then she did.  You know the story.  So She decided on Grandmaws house.  Ashton and I left and get home.  Phone rings.  "Hi this is (insert any name cause God knows I don't remember it) at Bob Evans and I think you left your daughter here."  Me:  "OH SHIT! I thought she went with her Grandmaw" I had to go and pick her up. 

Fast forward to 6 months later.  Me, Ashton, Brenna and MIL go to (wait for it... Bob Evans to eat) we go in and we leave.  Now my MIL has a mini van and the kids were notorious for hiding, etc.  So Ashton (age 8 at the time or 96 months lol) says, "ha ha Brennas not in here mommmm" I said, "Ashton I know she is"  Ashton's laughing and carrying on.  There's a blanket on the floor of the van that Brenna was hiding it.. or so I thought.  We get almost home when Ashton is scream/crying  "MOM SHE'S REALLY NOT IN HERE"  Me: "DAMNIT!!!!!!!"  So back to Bob Evans I go.  I walk into Bob Evans and Brenna is sitting on the bench with a worker (young girl) sitting next to her. We get out to the van and this is how that conversation went:

Me:  OMG Brenna mommy's so sorry I thought you were hiding in the van
Brenna:  It's okay.
Me:  What did that girl say to you?
Brenna:  She said ,  "Aww I"m so sorry they left you here" But I told her, "It's okay, they've done it before".
(OMG OMG OMG!  WORST MOM EVER!

You think this story ends here don't you?  Nope.. 

Fast forward to a year later (I actually put some time and space between me and Bob Evans) Same group of folks, but this time hubby too.  We MEET down there.  Girls go home with grandmaw, we go home.  We're home about 15 minutes and the phone rings.  "Hi this is so-and-so from Bob Evans.." Before she can say anymore I say, "Are you fucking kidding me right now!!??"  Again.. I now go to retrieve my five year old from Bob Evans.  

Me:  I thought you went with Grandmaw!!!
Brenna:  I was, she left me when I went to the bathroom

(see, that shit's on grandmaw that time!)

You looking for The End yet?  Yeah.. not-so-much

Brenna, age 6.. we all go to... yeah, you know where we went!  BOB FREAKING EVANS AGAIN! 

Exact same scenario as before, only *I* was supposed to take Brenna home.  Yes, again, I had to go back to Bob Evans and retrieve my child. 

For years after that Brenna would take our car keys to the bathroom with her if she had to use the bathroom somewhere, or she would make someone go with her. 

Fast forward to now my 19 yr 10 month old daughter still is attached to mommy's hip.  I thought it was because we were close.. because she loves me and enjoys spending time with me.  Turns out my almost a Junior in College might still be afraid of being abandoned.  EPIC FAILURE OF A MOTHER I AM!  

Now, here's the kicker.. as I stated in my first post I am the oldest of 5 children.  I don't remember any of us getting our asses left anywhere.. how did my mom do that!!???  Thank God I only have two kids!!  Wait... yeah.. I think that's right.  ;)

Peaceout Girlscout!

Damn Bloggers...

Howdy!!!!  So after about 2987456 tries of coming up with different names for my blog I finally came to this one... Not my original choice.  My original choice was Knick Knack Patty Whack (based on my favorite joke of all time!!!) But nooooo someone chose that already!  You wouldn't believe the names I typed it!  All taken! 

Anywhoo, I'll start this first blog off with who I am.  What I'm about.  Why I chose to create a blog, and why you're gonna wanna visit me often!  :) 

This shall be the only serious post you will see from me.  I don't do serious very well.  I mean, don't get me wrong, there's a lot of serious shit in my life.  A LOT!  Which, is why I choose to laugh. 

Okay.. so about me.

1.  I'm a wife.
2.  I'm a mom to two awesome girls!  Oldest almost 24, Youngest almost 20. (why do people say that shit??  Why don't they just say 23 and 19!!??  It's like calling your 3 yr old 36 months.  Bullshit!) ;)
3.  I love to laugh!
4.  No really, I love, love, love to laugh!
5.  More importantly, I love to make others laugh!  It's seriously a life mission for me.  If I make you laugh then I'm content. Freak, I know. 
6.  I am fiercely loyal to those I love.  Fiercely.  I will cut you if you hurt them.
7.  I am the oldest sister, to four siblings, a daughter to two parents (who've been married for 45 years), an Aunt (which is FOR REAL one of my most favorite things in the world!!! I ♥ those kids like I love my own.. all (almost) 14 of them (2 on the way!) 
8.  I am an awesome friend. You wouldn't believe the shit I'm taking to my grave!  ;)
9.  I do too much for others, and never enough for myself. 
10. I am the biggest Indianapolis Colt's fan on planet earth.  Just sayin'
11. I hate the Patriots. (love you Carmen!) 
12. I'm a Pepsiaholic.  I have the Pepsi tattoo to prove it.
13. I'm the Universes biggest Bruce Springsteen fan. TRUTH.
14. I work in the medical field, though the Doc I work for is retiring soon and then I think I'm either going to join the circus (in reality I hate circuses and their animal abuse) or I'm going to be a carny. (Not like Wilson though.. she got issues dude!)
15.  I'm a music FREAK.  In fact, my brain is a human jukebox and I can find a song in every single thing that is said, and sadly, my brain does just that.
16.  I hate Country music. (Jesus how many fucking times can your dog run off with your beer!?)
17.  Might shoulda mentioned this at the top I reckon, but I cuss. A lot. I absolutely disagree with "foul language is a lack of intelligence, or vocabulary"  I call it "colorful" (If you're easily offended by language, probably not the blog for you)
18.  I am 100% real. 
19.  I am going to be 44 this year, so yes, I'm at the gray hair- piss your pants when you cough, sneeze, laugh or just cause -what the hell did I come into this room for, stage of my life. Awesome right!?
20.  I have a four legged son.  I ♥ that boy more than the English language allows me to express.  He's mean, he's aggressive (not to me), and he's 98% evil.  He has my heart!  I'm a huge pet advocate too, so if you suck at being a pet parent, move along now, ya hear!

So.. there you have it.  Now, it is your mission.. if you should choose it.. to come back often.  I can promise you'll smile, and if you're half normal you'll laugh.  If you're totally whacked like I am, you'll laugh till you piss your pants. (It also helps if you've given birth, in that case a mere giggle could do it!)

Peace out Girlscout! :)